Learning to forgive

The Holy Quran calls on us to practice restraint and patience to achieve forgiveness.
‘Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good’ (3:134).
Despite this, it is not easy to achieve a forgiving state of mind when we feel that we have been wronged. Thus, there are some tips that help in this process:
1. Forgiveness is a process.
The first thing we need to understand is that forgiveness is a challenging process. It does not happen overnight, and it is okay to struggle. More importantly, one must have the intention to move on and let go of situations that impact our peace of mind.
2. It starts with you.
The journey to forgiveness entails a genuine intention to resolve our feelings and look at the bigger picture. Forgiveness is a virtue that requires reflection and a lot of patience. A firm resolution to cleanse our minds and souls is the best way to start the process.
3. Learn from this process.
Forgiveness cannot be accomplished without learning something about yourself and the people around you. Forgiveness teaches us to channel our feelings and seek healing. Once we are past the blaming game, it is time to recognize that all experiences are valuable because they teach us something about ourselves.
4. Take responsibility.
Being accountable for our own feelings and taking responsibility for our actions helps us to reconcile the situation and move on.
5. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.
This is tricky. While forgiveness entails moving on, the learning part of the process is there for us to be aware and prevent future incidents.
Remember that forgiveness does not go overlooked. The effort put into it is rewarded with peace of mind and the highest rewards from God.
‘And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation – his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers.’ (42:40)