Arabstoday examines the ups and downs of marriage

Divorce me “Divorce me” is reportedly an oft-used threat among Arab women when they fight with their husbands. Unfortunately, many people fail to realise the consequences of what they\'re saying when they are exceptionally emotional. Why does a woman ask for divorce?  Is it some kind of plea for her husband grant her more emotional care?
The mere mention of the word can cause the destruction of homes.
Arabstoday has spoken to married couples about the \"D\" word and sought a psychological and legal analysis as to why it is so often used as a threat.
Heba Adel\'s husband seemed to have run out patience after 10 years of marriage and it soon began to show. She confessed that her husband warned her not to ask for divorce when things were not going well between them, but she did not expect it to result in anything drastic.
She said she thought her husband would never think about leaving her and she would only mention the word to frighten him. This time however, she crossed a line and said: “If you really are a man, divorce me.”
A few moments later she heard her husband say it as if a bomb went off: “You are divorced.”
Doaa Mohamed’s still lvies with her husband despite her requests for a divorce every time they quarrel, no matter how trivial the matter. She said: “My husband is cool and patient, when we disagree he meets my anger with silence, which pushes me to provoke him, so I resort to saying \'divorce me\'.\"
However, her husband’s position seems to have changed.
“I feel that his patience is being worn out... now, whenever we quarrel and I ask him for a divorce, he says: \'I won\'t divorce you, but I’ll take a second wife\'”. The response has stopped her from using the threat again.
“Divorce me” was what Mahmoud Amer* heard his wife say after their first quarrel, one month after their honeymoon. He described his reaction saying: “I was amazed....we only  married a month earlier and the reason for the quarrel was trivial.\"
He added that he was afraid to lose her, so he rushed to apologise and make her feel better.
\"She\'s never stopped using that threat though, so now I just ignore her when she says that,\" he said.
\"A wife’s insistence on divorce cannot be classified as a mental illness,” said Dr. Nabil Rashid, a professor of neursosurgery and psychiatry.
“Such threats used by spouses are due to many reasons, most notably the need for more emotional attention.”
He added: “A wife who asks for a divorce from her husband sees that his character is not strong enough to say it...if she believed his character was strong she would not ask for divorce for fear of him agreeing to it.\"
“She doesn’t actually want it. She says it just to threaten or to provoke a reaction from her husband,\" he said.
Amr Zine Al Abidine, a lawyer and legal advisor to the National Council for Women said: \"In case the wife resorts to us to file a divorce against her husband for any of the reasons determined by law, we first make sure of the sincerity of her intentions and their compatibility with religion and law. We then try to connect to the husband, without divulging any secrets, in a bid to reconcile them.\"
He added: “If these attempts are unsuccessful, we go to court.” After the matter goes to court, reconciliation is suggested as an option to both parties after the first court session, as per the law.
He explained that before resorting to court, there is a committee of settling family disputes, where most disputes get resolved. This committee consists of a social worker and psychologist who do their best to solve the couple\'s problems.
\"After 20 years of experience, I found that the vast majority of problems that lead to divorce stem from very simple issues. Religion gives the husband the right to divorce, at the same time it gives the right to the wife to request separation in certain cases and the judge has to answer her request if found to be valid.”