If I were to rule the nation

What would happen if I woke up one day and found that I am the ruler of the world – a dictator who issues orders and is obeyed, and who controls the fates of people and countries? If this happens, no one will ‘take me seriously’, and I would be taken to a psychiatric hospital and become the laughingstock of the staff there. But if I were that absolute ruler, I would first strip the world of all weapons of mass destruction, and the missiles that deliver them unto their targets, giving arms companies five years, with government assistance, to transition into civilian industries. I would prohibit any defense budget in any country from exceeding one percent, on the condition that this one percent does not exceed one billion dollars. I would also divert all military expenditure to be spent on medical research to cure cancer, AIDS, the common cold and male pattern baldness. Of course, I will also return Palestine to its people, without a war at all, expelling settlers, Russians and Eastern Europeans who came to Israel after the fall of communism in 1989, leaving Palestine to the Palestinians and the remaining Jews. I would jail war criminals (from the Bush administration who murdered one million Arabs and Muslims) in Gitmo, to be guarded by the current prisoners who have been accused of being terrorists for ten years now without ever standing trial. Frankly, having achieved all the above and exhausted myself, I prefer to become a dictator exclusively in our countries, although I feel that reforming these is probably tougher than reforming the whole world together. If I were to rule the nation, I would order the following: - Every woman or family who mistreats a maid is put in the service of this maid, at the family home, for twice the time during which the maid was enslaved, provided that the salary of the maid/housewife continues to be paid. - Youths caught drifting, spinning and illegally racing their cars will have their vehicles immediately confiscated and sold at auction within 48 hours. - The above will also be the penalty for driving past a red light. - Schools are created to teach teachers. - Education is compulsory until the age of sixteen. - The number of students studying sciences must be twice as high as those studying humanities, and will remain so until we start exporting wheat to Australia, cars to Germany and computers to Silicon Valley, in California. - A chicken in every pot. - All ministries of information are abolished, and are not replaced by ten departments, each bigger than the late ministry. - All civil liberties are unleashed, with a strict law that determines where one person’s freedom ends and where another person’s freedom begins. - The death penalty is limited to child murderers or rapists, and the perpetrators of honor crimes. - Women are given full rights, including equal rights with men, and are protected by the strict law mentioned above. - Social and healthcare benefits are provided, whilst not encouraging unemployment. Instead, they encourage the poor not to have 12 children, in the hope that one of them will turn out to be an upstanding adult that will look after the parents in their old age. - Arab countries are opened up to one another, without abolishing their respective states, or merging them in one super state. - Corruption is punishable by life imprisonment. - Terrorists, including suicide bombers and so forth, will see their families have all their assets confiscated. The families will then serve for free under the security services. This way, if the terrorists see that their fathers, mothers, brothers or sisters might end up as subservient servants, they might change their minds and wait for a natural death before getting their virgins in paradise. - Fatwas are only issued by the Mufti of a country, or a body that enjoys the stature of one. - The portraits of the enlightened dictator, who will be either me or the reader, are prohibited from display in either public or private places. --- The views expressed by the author do not necessarily represent or reflect the editorial policy of Arabstoday.